once upon a time...

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keswick, cumbria, United Kingdom
Once upon a time when no one was looking because dark glasses were in that autumn, and no one was listening because the popular music of the time was loud and brassy, the key to life was stolen by two no good good for nothing partners in crime who passed it on with sly winks and too much blusher to the only cat they knew who was up with the jive talk and down with the kids. if all goes to plan she’ll sling it to the back of her knicker drawer and it won’t see the disco lights again, until one day in the winter when the clouds fall like rain and the word on the streets is bring on the black hole, because as everybody knew all along this was only ever just a temporary measure...

Friday, 4 November 2011

want to hear the story about the man who tried to take his pants off in the shop?

who doesn't like to hear a story about a man trying to take his pants off in a public place? no one i know. 

once upon a time in the temporary measure emporium on a tuesday, it being a quiet day out of season, @sycamoresykes was minding the shop by himself. and seeing as though it was near the end of the day and the only customers were an actress from the theatre and her mum, who were sat having a cup of tea, he decided to go upstairs to the workshop for a moment to 'make some frames' (go on the internet). he was disturbed from his 'frame making' by the dulcet tones of two well spoken ladies of southern origin shouting "sir! sir!" 
now this being the first time in his life that @sycamoresykes had ever been addressed as sir he speedily went to investigate. he was greeted by the sight of a middle aged man in walking attire in the process of pulling his pants down. the actress from the theatre being the lovely, well bred girl that she is and barely containing a high level state of panic was suggesting to the man that "if he needed the lavatory, it was just around the corner!" and this is the point where our hero steps in. with no thought for his personal safety or the innocence of his young eyes @sycamoresykes approached the scene demanding to know what possible reason this man had for taking his pants off in kewick's one and only temporary measure emporium. which is a fair question by anyone's standards.
the explanation provided by the potential trouser dropper was that he wasn't in fact looking for a cheap thrill but simply Needed A New Button...what a Plank.
now in the emporium these are the only kind of buttons we sell: 

pretty pretty, shiny shiny, antique ones with little to no practical purpose whatsoever, that's the kind we like. what this man required was something far more practical and preferably with a padlock. and so our hero sent him speedily on his way to the knitting shop two doors down with the following advice,
" go to the knitting shop two doors down but MAKE SURE YOU EXPLAIN TO JUNE THAT YOU NEED A BUTTON BEFORE YOU TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF!" which is good advice by anyone's standards. 

(just in case anyone is worried about june, she was fine we checked on her later...as well as being a knitter with the stature of a small child she is also a champion archer and an all round Badass. and she sold that plank a button.)